~Dreams~

Dreams last for so long.

Even after you're gone.

~Years~

Even though I made the first cruel move.

Even though I deleted you from my life.

Even though I ignored your messages and tossed you aside cold-heartedly.

Even though you wanted us to remain friends.

Even though I destroyed every chance of that.

Even though it's been years since we last spoke.

There are still days where I attempt to steal a glimpse of your profile.

Regretting my foolish mistake in the past.

Can I undo our friendship?

Or have we become two distant strangers.

Tied only to the birthday greeting each year.

Which I never fail to give.

I remember your promises.

But I also remember your lies.

~The Meaning Of Life~

 He begged of her to stop her melancholy.
He begged of her to let go of the past.

He begged to be the one to mend her broken heart.

And yet the years past, and her unmistakably frozen frown was never able to melt into a smile.

He had her body, but he had not her heart. They slept in the same bed, and yet at the same time, they both felt completely alone and cold at night.

He did not understand, and could never come to understand, how someone could live their life wrapped up in a memory that was so meaningless. He did not understand, that certain thoughts never age, and certain memories never fade.

She grew cold at times, and would sometimes wander out to the lake beside their home alone, and when she sensed him approaching, she would hurriedly drag her hands across her face. But he knew. He knew she was crying. And when he reached out to wrap his arms around her, she too often shrugged them away in haste and turned away towards the house.

Eventually, on the day the old Maple tree shed it's last Autumn leaf, his frail arms begun to let go of her fragile being. 

"Why George, why?"

"Because I love you Janice, and that is why. And that, is why..."

He drifted in and out of consciousness, and after all those years, she reached out to touch him, for the first time, subtly on the cheek. And there she felt the warmth of his face, and the tears he left uncried, but most importantly, the love of his that never died.

She had not time to reply before she felt his grip loosening by the second. She choked on her tears of grief. She cried, perhaps out of guilt, perhaps out of the loss of a companion, or maybe it was just the dusty Texan air. He stayed with her despite her sorrows. He gave her all he had to give. She had imagined his love would die with time but that was never so. 

She did not understand how she could hurt someone like the way she was hurt in the past. She, and George, well, they both came to lead the life they detested as both were clinging on to something that wasn't even there. One a memory and the other an impossible heart. What should have been a perfect story morphed into a never ending cycle of sorrow. Being with her was pain, like a frozen knife stabbed into an already breaking heart. Being with him was numb, much like the attempt to hurt a prosthetic limb.

But you see, despite the compassion one might feel towards them, the truth was neither of them were truly unhappy. In fact, they had grown accustomed to the little arrangement they silently made in their hearts throughout the years. He loved her unconditionally. And she stayed with him unconditionally. Maybe this was love, maybe this was something else. What, I could never imagine. But the bond of man was never something that could be fully detailed through words alone. And sometimes, that's the way it should be in life. No questions but the flow.

Everything passes. Nobody gets anything for keeps. And that's the way we've got to live.

Live, as if every day's your last.

~Until Then~

 "The hardest part is always wanting to be with each other. But the only thing that makes it easier, is using every alternative method there is to be together. Phone, webcam-ing, etc. Settling for what we have at the moment pays off in the end though. It’s a test. Seeing how much we really want to be together. Whether we want to enough, to be patient and deal with all the bullshit that happens before the next time we see each other, or finding out that it was all just a waste of time and effort. I don’t want it to be a waste of time. I don’t think you do either. But until then, I’ll be happy with what we can have right now. Because a little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing. And a little bit of something means a whole lot of everything if it’s with you."

~Love Is~

~Moment's Pleasure Or Lasting Treasure~

Tonight the light of love is in your eyes.

But...

Will you still love me tomorrow?

~Sometimes~

 

Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for.

But all the same, I give you this piece of my once broken heart.

There is no way I will ever give up.

~Maybe This Summer~

As Patrizio Buanne famously puts it,

"I'll find the one who'll still be mine when leaves begin to fall"

~Self Hair Dye Experience~

  

So the story is like this.

Mom hates blondish-brown hair colour.

Mom buys new hair dye.

I have to dye hair by end of the week.

 

 Last picture with beautiful blonde hair.

*sobs*

  

 Here I am, all prepped for the dye session.

  

The dye comes with simple enough instructions.

 Just pour the solution into the developer.

 Pop the cap on.

 The solution turns brown.

 

 Shake it gently from side to side and it turns dark brown.

(By the time I got to this stage I knew I was going to regret dyeing my hair back.)

 Putting on ze gloves. I feel like an evil mad scientist.

 The solution comes out in the form of foam.

 I seriously couldn't be bothered putting it on dollop by dollop so I squeezed out the whole bottle and used it like a shampoo.

(Which ironically was what you were supposed to do anyways)

P.S. Everytime I shampoo my hair like this, it reminds me of some failed attempt at weird bridal hair styling. Epic fail.

Half and hour later...

My hair colour had turned from gorgeous light blondish brown to dark murky brown.

Final Verdict:

Mom loved it.

I hated it.

End of story.

Even though I preferred the previous colour, you can't deny that Loreal Sublime Mousse is easy to use and super duper awesome for an absolute noob like me.

:)

~Biased Georgian Flair~

 When it comes to designing dresses, I'm a sucker for Georgian gowns.

(See if you can spot me in this picture!)

There's me in the Hall of Fame!

:)

~Home Is Where The Heart Is~

Been traveling and hotel hopping for the past 1 1/2 months.

It's times like these where I wish I could return to a place of my own.

A place called home.

~All That Really Matters~

Because I have Lucas, and sometimes, it's all that really matters. 

:)

~A New Day, A New Beginning~

 Erase the Past. Embrace the Future.

It has always been a habit of mine to delete my old blog and create a new one each time I move on to a new phase of my life. It's not that I'm not fond of the old memories and posts, it's just that retaining everything in the past really hinders one's progress of moving on with life.

I believe life has robbed me of my innocence and what is left of it. The people I trusted in tore my heart apart and treated me disrespectfully to say the very least. They stomped on my feelings as if I had none and were cold hearted creatures with no sense of guilt or morals in life. As if I was some unwanted stray cat, best kicked over the wall and to be seen nevermore. Sacrifices I made didn't mean a thing which makes me wonder sometimes, why was I ever that stupid to have believed them before?

I find it hard to trust people, I really do. I know it isn't right to doubt and doubt hurts the ones who care about you. But after being lied to, made use of, and cheated on for countless of times, it's only natural to raise your guard against everyone around you. Because believe me, nothing hurts more than betrayal.

I will never deny the fact that people are constantly changing, be it for the better or the worse. I've seen so many people transform 180 degrees. Shedding their previous beliefs and morals, they choose instead to embrace greed, envy, lies, and to hurt those around them for their own selfish gains. They choose to let evil consume their good nature. They choose to ignore everything that's right and pursue everything that's not. They act without consideration of others thoughts and feelings. They think that the world is under their feet and life should be lived by doing everything they 'feel' is right.

It's difficult to forgive people who have wronged you in the past. So I choose instead to forget. If they want to act as if I never existed, then they too, shall possess no privilege of remaining in my heart and my mind.

From today onwards, I shall bid Au Revoir to the gruesome past and all the tears I've shed, sleepless nights I've had and love I gave.

Because some people just aren't worth the pain.

Despite everything that has happened in the past, I'm actually glad that God has bestowed upon me the various challenges, failures and heartbreaks because I've grown to be much stronger and mature than I was previously be it physically or mentally.

On a brighter side, I've finally graduated!

(Not like it really means anything though. I will probably have a few more graduation ceremonies in the coming years. Crossing my fingers!)

Here's to a great year ahead! 

:)